Quentin Tarantino's Toy Story

An AI and I

Tarantino. Pixar. How come these two giants of cinematic entertainment have never worked together? It’s perplexing.

Thank goodness for artificial intelligence. Now we can imagine the rich CGI of the Pixar universe as seen through the eyes of the man who brought us such timeless movie moments as Michael Madsen slicing off another dude’s ear to the tune of “Stuck in the Middle with You.”

And while we’re at it, why not cast the biggest star of all time. That’s right, God.

Following is my prompt, followed by GPT-3’s output, followed by my analysis.

—Ryan

A scene from the script for Quentin Tarantino's remake of Toy Story, starring God.

INT. TOY STORE - DAY

A toy store, empty and quiet. We see a family of toys sitting on the shelves. Suddenly, there is a flash of light and we hear a THUNDEROUS ROAR. The family looks up in fear as they see GOD standing before them. He has a long white beard and wears flowing robes with sandals on his feet.

GOD: I am God! I have come to destroy you all!

The family screams in terror as they are engulfed by an enormous ball of fire that shoots out from GOD's hands.

INT. TOY STORE - DAY

The toy store is now in flames and the family of toys are all gone. We see GOD standing there, holding a smoking staff with a glowing orb on top. He looks down at his hands and smiles.

GOD: Yes, I am God.

ANALYSIS

Poor toys. I’m a bit disappointed that AI Tarantino didn’t supply God with some of his trademark pop culture references. What I would give to hear the Lord opining about Barbie’s Malibu Dream House. Seems pretty par for the course, though, that Tarantino’s God would be of the vengeful variety. But what does he have against those toys? Mysterious ways.